Love, marriage and politically correct research

More on love and marriage from C.S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis has interesting things to say on love and marriage in the The Screwtape Letters. Senior demon Screwtape writes letters to his junior demon nephew Wormwood on how to take humans from "the Enemy" being God, toward "Our Father" being Satan:

Now comes the joke. The Enemy described a married couple as 'one flesh'. He did not say a 'happily married couple' or 'a couple who married because they were in love', but you can make the humans ignore that. You can also make them forget that the man they call Paul did not confine it to married couples. Mere copulation, for him, makes 'one flesh'. You can thus get the humans to accept as rhetorical eulogies of 'being in love' what were in fact plain descriptions of the real significance of sexual intercourse. The truth is that whenever a man lies with a woman, there, whether they like it or not, a transcendental relation is set up between them which must be eternally enjoyed or eternally endured. From the true statement that this transcendental relation was intended to produce, and, if obediently entered into, too often will produce, affection and the family, humans can be made to infer the false belief that the blend of affection, fear and desire which they call 'being in love' is the only thing that makes marriage either happy or holy. The error is easy to produce because 'being in love' does very often, in Western Europe, precede marriages which are made in obedience to the Enemies designs, that is, with the intention of fidelity, fertility and good will; just as religious emotion very often, but not always, attends conversion. (emphasis mine)

When we come from the place that elevates "being in love", a temporary feeling which should not be confused with love, to the pinnacle of human experience, we create an environment where the loss of the feeling of "being in love" can be used as an excuse for all sorts of behaviors destructive to marriage, including infidelity. After all, God wants us to be "happy", right? Right?

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Politically correct research

You never know when you are going to run into examples of political correctness when it comes to the differences between the genders. I attended a dissertation defense on Friday in preparation for my own defense one of these days. The study being defended examined a certain type of knee injury in sports that is more commonly experienced by women than by men, the anterior cruciate ligament, or ACL tear. The researcher outlined the anatomic and kinematic differences between men and women related to this injury. Basically, men tend to land from a jump in more knee flexion than women due to different factors, not the least of which is better balance between the quadriceps and hamstring muscles (ie; women tend to overly rely on their quads resulting in greater knee extension upon landing). And, the ACL is more at risk for injury in extension.

The researcher then went on to describe the study she carried out which involved a way to change landing kinematics such that the women in the study had more knee flexion when landing. After her presentation the audience had the opportunity to as her questions and one of the female anatomy profs asked the following question; "In essence aren't you trying to masculinize these women's movement patterns?" I thought to myself that was true, and that it would make sense to do so to a certain degree if the goal is to prevent ACL injuries among female athletes. But, the researcher answered, "Well, I suppose you could look at it that way, but I prefer not to. It is, in a sense, true, but it isn't appropriate to consider the findings in that manner". The prof who asked the question nodded her approval and from the back of the room I could observe several other profs shaking their heads a bit. Brilliant! Never mind the truth if it makes you uncomfortable to think of it in that way or you find it "inappropriate". We can't imply that men in any way have any inherent superiority to women, now can we?

Love and competition

In 1942 Christian writer C.S. Lewis published The Screwtape Letters. The book is a series of “letters” between Screwtape, a senior demon and his nephew Wormwood, a junior demon about how to ensure the damnation of people. Lewis makes some chilling observations in the book about many subjects including love and marriage. In this passage “the Enemy” is God and “our Father” is the devil.

The Enemy’s demand on humans takes the form of a dilemma; either complete abstinence or unmitigated monogamy. Ever since our Father’s first great victory, we have rendered the former very difficult to them. The latter, for the last few centuries, we have been closing up as a way of escape. We have done this through the poets and the novelists by persuading the humans that a curious, and usually short lived experience which they call ‘being in love’ is the only respectable ground for marriage; that marriage can, and ought to, render this excitement permanent, and that a marriage which does not do so is no longer binding. This is our parody of an idea that came from the Enemy.

The whole philosophy of Hell rests on recognition of the axiom that one thing is not another thing, and, specially, that one self is not another self. My good is my good and your good is yours. What one gains another loses….’To be’ means to ‘be in competition’.

Lewis seems to have nailed the basis of the struggle in the current culture with marriage 67 years ago.

Chick-Flick Lies

By way of Carolyn McCulley I came across an article from a Christian perspective by Beth Spraul about what has been referred to as "chick porn", titled Chick Flicks and the World's Approach to Men and Marriage. While I would guess that some men (and probably women too)would disagree with some of Mrs. Spraul's points in places (feel free to point them out if you wish), I think, on the whole, the article makes some excellent points.

Mrs. Spraul asks,

"Does watching such movies actually affect our understanding of romance or shape how we go about looking for this ideal husband?

I think the answer is yes.

We may think we are savvy enough to detect the subtle lies present in this genre of films. You might be reading this saying, “What’s wrong with a little escapist entertainment every once in a while? It’s just a Hollywood story, and I know it’s just fantasy.” If that’s the case, then why is there still that sigh or even a tear(s) after the 20th viewing of your favorite romantic movie? Something in us is stirred."

This is a point well taken. When something like a book or movie plays on what deeply affects you, such as a woman's emotions, it is undeniable that will have influence over you. Mrs. Spraul compares so-called "chick-flicks" and "chick-lit" to pornography in their ability to create unrealistic expectations.

"In this article, I’d like to discuss briefly what I think are three powerful lies communicated to and believed by women through this genre of “chick-flicks” as well as “chick-lit” (literature). The lies told to women are introduced at the level of women’s emotions (less harmful, right?), in how they dream about men, and in what they long for relationally. Like pornography, chick-flicks take a good gift from God (romance, relational intimacy) that women are created to desire, and distort it by presenting as “normal” an unbiblical and unrealistic picture of men, love and marriage. And just like men who buy into the lies of pornography, women who believe that their husbands and marriages should always be like what they see on the screen will be sinfully dissatisfied with God’s good gift to them of a “normal” husband and marriage."

She then outlines the lies that these sorts of books and movies tell to women.

Lie #1: Men think of romance and relational intimacy exactly like women do!

This one was shocking to me. I mean, who knew that men and women think differently!?!? I would say "duh!" to this one except that often I think both men and women expect the opposite sex to think about things the same way they do. We think they should know what we mean and know what we need from them without telling them and that the other should "understand" without having to explain it.

Lie #2: If I marry the right man, all will be right in my life.

Mrs. Spraul makes some excellent points about the fact that even a great marriage will not, and in fact can not, make all things right.

"If we as women approach our husbands with expectations that he will be the primary source that takes away all our loneliness, insecurities, fears and longings for love, we hold him to a standard no human being is able to meet in this life. We set ourselves up for great disappointment through these unreasonable expectations. When our husband doesn’t deliver such total sweeping happiness to our lives, we can be tempted to blame him when it is our own worldly and idolatrous expectations that are to blame! Such expectations can even lead us to be discontented wives who are unsatisfied with the day to day realities of life and responsibility in marriage. We can become unsatisfied with our husband’s love and service and care because marrying him didn’t cure our deepest emotional struggles."

I wonder how much of the current epidemic of divorce is the result of such thinking?

Lie #3: I will know that a man is right for me by feelings I get when I’m with him.

In a recent post, commenter SA related a story about a woman who rejected a man out of hand without getting to know anything about him. Perhaps this is an example of what Mrs. Spraul was referring to here:

"The dangers of putting all of your stock in emotion are serious. First, you can easily convince yourself that you are experiencing “true love” while having little regard for a man’s faith, character, service or ability to sacrifice himself for others. Second, for women considering a man who initiates a relationship with them, this over-emphasis on the emotional experience and level of attraction/chemistry can influence such women to dismiss possible suitors based on her “intuition.” I’ve seen it happen—a woman doesn’t immediately “feel” that a man is her “type” or the “ideal” that she’s had in her mind for her husband—so the man is simply dismissed without ever having a chance to demonstrate his possible worthiness."

Good points, I think, both for single and for married women.

An invitation to women

Over at Biblical Manhood, Anakin has a post about women finding his blog and or MGTOW/MRA misogynistic. Perhaps Suzanne and Janet would be willing to answer the following question here: What on Biblical Manhood did you find misogynistic?

Come ladies, let's reason together.

(Suzanne I am sorry for the recent loss of your father. Please feel free to ignore me at this time if this discussion may cause you further distress)

Insert snappy title here

Still struggling with brain freeze, though I was able to finish writing a proposal (whew!) that was hanging over my head. So, again, here are some random thoughts for your consideration.

Extremism: I while back I wrote a post where I talked about the benefits of considering opinions more extreme than my own. It takes a bit of mental work, but often there is some truth at the base of many extreme opinions. I just have to be careful that I don't get carried away with it. Yesterday in the comments to a post over at Novaseeker's I made the mistake of reading the comment of someone who I had previously decided to avoid reading the comments of. However, I saw that he referred to my friend Ame, so I read it. You know, this may be the first time ever that I saw some good from porn. Perhaps it is better for women if some men prefer porn to them. Of course the reason it would be better has to do with the effects of porn to begin with, so that is rather a circular argument (and yes, entirely facetious).

Purity: Via email, a friend recently commented on some of the discussion over virginity and particularly the, um, physical aspects of it. She shared this bit of wisdom, gleaned in part from The Facts of Life: Purity resides in the heart, not in the vagina. True that.

Along similar lines, but far funnier, was a conversation I recently had with a group of single christian women ranging in age from early 20s to early 50s. We were talking about singleness and sexual temptation when one of the women, a widow in her early 50s who I'll refer to as "J", began to relate a story about a date she was on several months ago. J said that she found the man very sweet and that she really liked him and was struggling with being sexually tempted when he had his arm around her waist. She then shared that she was simultaneously embarrassed that he may be able to feel her Spanx. This lead to her conclusion that Spanx = modern day chastity belt :) (I know the ladies will think that is funny...we laughed over that one for quite a while)

Being "Normal": Or normalcy or normality? I don't know if those are even words. Anyhoo, I am participating in a women's Bible study on the book of Esther and the teacher via video (Beth Moore) did a survey of women, both believers and unbelievers while preparing for the study. One woman, married for a few years but without children, who responded to the survey said that she feared losing her uniqueness. She does not want to be considered normal or ordinary. She does not want who she is to be defined by being some one's "wife" or some one's "mother", she just wants to be "happy". The teacher made a very interesting connection between this woman's thoughts about not wanting to be "ordinary" and the current obsession with the famous and with fame, especially among women. She talked about a term from social psychology, to BIRK, or "birking", which stands for "basking in reflected glory", and how it has become so common for people to idolize the rich and famous to feel worth rather than to ground our worth in God.

In closing: If you are so inclined, please pray for my sister who had a biopsy yesterday and will likely be having a laser surgery in the next month or so due to what they are currently calling "pre-cancerous/suspicious" cells in an area the size of a quarter in her cervix (and for those of you for whom the thought may enter your mind, no, she does not have HPV and was a virgin when she married at 40 years of age).

And...

LET'S GO PENS!!!!!!!!

Sex, marriage, humanity and hat tricks

Since I appear to currently be unable to produce an entire post on one subject that makes sense, and in imitation of Elusive Wapiti and Terri at Breathing Grace, I present to you, a potpourri of topics.


Sex and Marriage


In the comments to my post Um....yeah (brilliant title, isn't it?) Elusive Wapiti and I had a brief exchange about the role of sex in the marrying of a man and a woman. Briefly, I said that in the old testament sex = marriage, so to God, sex = marriage, and EW said nuh uh (okay, there was more to it than that...go read the comments and the post EW linked to). I'm still not sure what I think about this because of questions that I have about some scriptures. In a comment I made that was buried in the other comments, I said the following:


"I remember reading that post about Bristol and Levi last year. To be honest I am not certain what I think about this issue and perhaps it is a matter of semantics. Does "marriage" occur during the sexual act? I'm not sure, but it kinda sounds like it if you read about Isaac and Rebekah. Even so, if it is not the joining of the two into one flesh that "marries" the man and woman, in both Deut 22 and Lev 22 God commands that if a man has sex with an un-betrothed virgin that he MUST marry her. If he does not marry her and goes on to have sex with another he is having sex with someone other than the woman God commanded that he must marry. It may not be adultery by strict definition but I don't understand how the functional impact is any different.So, I guess what I would say in response is to ask what you would say about the following:- What about Isaac and Rebekah? It appears that their marriage did occur when he "took" her. -What about Deut 22 and Lev 22 that says if a man sleeps with a virgin he must marry her?"


So, what do y'all think?


Humanity

I get annoyed with many "politically correct" ideas. For example, what was the point of changing the tag line "To boldly go where no man has gone before" to "To boldly go where no one has gone before" in the new Star Trek movie (which was a great flick)? However I do insist that my students use what is called "person first language" when referring to our patients/clients. This means we do not call someone a "stroke" or a "nerve injury", we call them a person who has had a stroke, or a person who has had a nerve injury. I insist on this because it is important to see someone as a person, not a diagnosis, and because calling someone a "head injury" is dehumanizing. Other examples of dehumanization include when the Nazis transported the Jews in cattle cars and called them "dogs", and those who are pro-abortion insisting that a baby be called a "fetus" before birth. It's tough to kill people when you think of them as human beings.

Lesser ill will than murder is associated with dehumanization as well. Some feminists call men "animals" to make them easier to distrust and despise. Recently a commenter at MarkyMark's referred to women as "sweaty bags of cellulite". Well.... I'm not quite sure what to say about that other than ask the following. Do you really need to dehumanize women to make the decision for yourself that you don't want to marry or associate with women? If the answer to that question is no, why do it? If it is yes, maybe you should ask yourself why.

Hat tricks


Woo Hoo!!! Geno Malkin had a hat trick last night as the Penguins beat the Hurricanes 7-4 in game 2 of the NHL eastern conference finals. First playoff hat trick for the Pens since who knows when. Stanley Cup predictions anyone? I say it will be the Pens and Red Wings again, but this time my Pens will win (Why, yes, I was born and raised in the Pittsburgh area. Yes, I am a homer. Whatever made you ask those questions? ;) ).

Um....yeah

Writer's block...sigh.


Writer's block = bad thing, especially when it comes to a dissertation. It is getting so bad that I am having increasing difficulty expressing myself in other areas as well, including on this blog. I have started to write three different posts over the course of the past week or so, and....nothing. Maybe I need to do some quilting or something.


So, brace yourselves, and please be prepared for babbling, incoherency, and errors in spelling and grammar.


-This weekend, I think I sat through the absolute worst commencement address that I have ever had the misfortune of witnessing. It was so bad that it became funny. I was very thankful I was in the back row of faculty on the platform because I had to cover my face several times to muffle laughter. The progression from polite attention to boredom to incredulity to suppressed laughter on the faces of the audience was, however, quite entertaining.

-Carolyn McCully put into words part of what I have been thinking on for a while, with regard to physical beauty, but have been unable to coherently address, in a post last week. (yes, I think I do have too many commas in that sentence)

"What about complimenting her when she is doing beautiful things? We always hear that inner beauty is supposed to be more important than outer beauty, but it doesn't seem to get praised as often--which tempts women to doubt the veracity of that statement."Why do we women doubt the appeal of inner beauty? Well, to be candid, it's because we forget that our Creator is the ultimate arbiter of beauty. We are awash in makeover messages and as such His perspective is often silenced. From TV shows to magazines, we are drowning in Before and After images. At any given time during a day, there's a roomful of people on TV gushing and crying over the physical transformation of some reality show participant. Everybody and his neighbor shows up to applaud weight loss, a new hairstyle, or a wardrobe overhaul. But where is the applause for inner beauty? Where are the TV cameras for the Big Reveal of a renovated character"

In a culture where women are judged and valued on the basis of their attractiveness is it any wonder that inner beauty has taken a back seat? Has our culture simply received what we have asked for? Is there any cultural reinforcement of "inner beauty"?

-In a related line of thinking, lets talk about virginity.

Valued by some, but not by others? While God's call for sexual abstinence outside of marriage has not changed, the secular culture appears to have lost all regard for virginity outside of the young. Otherwise it is regarded as a quaint conviction or possibly born of immaturity or some sort of pathology. Even within the church, sexual abstinence is regarded by some as culturally irrelevant or improbable.

Valued in some, but not in others? While some young women have taken to auctioning their virginity to the highest bidder, I doubt that a 30+ year old virginal woman or a man of any age would get many bids. Clearly the value placed in "virginity" for auction is not about virginity per se. Even in less crass circumstances, I wonder how much of the value of virginity that does exist is about the value of obedience to God?

Over-valued by some? How many sins are there that change how you are defined as a person after one incidence? We are all sinners, are we not? We've all joined Jimmy Carter in lusting in our hearts, have we not? Do we rule out others as mates who have lied once in their life? When it is said that you should only marry a virgin, is that because they have been obedient to God, or for some other reason?

Okay, that is enough rambling for now. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Do you ever wonder?

Do you ever wonder what Jesus thinks of His church here in the US? Todd Agnew's song, My Jesus, offers some food for thought.


Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like you Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

A day for pessimists

Good Friday that is. It looked like all was lost. Jesus was dead and his followers were stunned and frightened. Even though Jesus told them He would die and then be raised from the dead, and even though the prophets foretold of the suffering of the Messiah.

Isaiah 53
1 Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?

2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

3 He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.

5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.

8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.

9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.

11 After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.

12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

But Jesus' followers still doubted that things would work out. Just like we all do sometimes.

But, today is Resurrection Day, a day when Christians celebrate that our Savior, Jesus Christ, who suffered and died for our sins, was raised from the dead.

Romans 5:6-11

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

While we were still sinners, people. If that ain't a cause for hope I don't know what is!

Romans 8:28-39

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I think we can add job loss, health problems, recession, socialism, feminism, divorce, unwanted singleness and whatever else we are facing to the list too. So, hang on dear readers... Jesus won.

A very blessed Resurrection Day to all! (I'm going to go hunt some eggs with my niece)

I wish I was a man

Not me, I like being a woman. But, that was what a young woman said at women's Bible study last night. The woman's Bible study that I attend at my church started a new session last night. Since it was a large group of about 40 women who did not all know each other we started with an "icebreaker" activity where we each picked a question to answer about ourselves from a bag. The questions asked things like "Are you a morning or a night person?", "If you were ice cream, what flavor would you be and why?" and "What three words would you use to describe yourself?".

A college-aged woman a few seats to my right chose the question, "If you could be anyone else, who would you be and why?". She answered, "For one day, I wish I was a man. Just so I would not have to plan anything or worry about how I look. I could just sit back and chill." This was met with some laughter and a few raised eyebrows. I leaned toward the 30ish woman to my left, who I had met earlier in the evening and said "I bet a lot of men wish they could just sit back and chill too." She replied, "Yeah, my husband would agree."

The study is a video series/workbook type of study, with small group discussions, based on the book of Esther. The teacher said, as one of the few books of the Bible with a female protagonist, that a study of Esther was a great opportunity for women to examine our "issues". She did a survey that asked women about the most common issues they dealt with, and the top 3 were, yielding to/submitting to authority including their husbands, balancing competing demands, and estrogen. She also said that we would discuss and deal with these issues without devaluing or tearing down men.

There are about 40 of us in the study, ranging in age from late teens to 70's, married and single, with children and without, stay at home moms and working women. It dawned on me that this study is going to be an interesting opportunity to hear what many different women have to say on these subjects. Given the human propensity to assume that others think or feel in similar ways to the ways we think or feel, I am very curious to see if I will be surprised. Will my optimism take a beating? We'll see....

Accepting criticism

The topic of criticism has been coming up frequently of late. Personally for me, the process of a dissertation is rife with criticism and it's outcome is dependent on what you do with the criticism you receive. It also seems that a lot of the discussions about issues involving men, women, and feminism are also influenced by the giving and receiving of criticism.

Today I came across a great article about both giving and receiving criticism (via Radical Womanhood), The Cross and Criticism, by Alfred J. Poirier.

If I know myself as crucified with Christ, I can now receive another's criticism with this attitude: "You have not discovered a fraction of my guilt. Christ has said more about my sin, my failings, my rebellion and my foolishness than any man can lay against me. I thank you for your corrections. They are a blessing and a kindness to me. For even when they are wrong or misplaced, they remind me of my true faults and sins for which my Lord and Savior paid dearly when He went to the cross for me. I want to hear where your criticisms are valid."

The correction and advice that we hear are sent by our heavenly Father. They are His corrections, rebukes, warnings, and scoldings. His reminders are meant to humble me, to weed out the root of pride and replace it with a heart and lifestyle of growing wisdom, understanding, goodness, and truth. For example, if you can take criticism—however just or unjust—you'll learn to give it with gracious intent and constructive results...

I do not fear man's criticism for I have already agreed with God's criticism. And I do not look ultimately for man's approval for I have gained by grace God's approval. In fact, His love for me helps me to hear correction and criticism as a kindness, oil on my head, from my Father who loves me and says, "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone He accepts as a son" (Heb. 12:5-6).

This was just what I needed to hear today. I hope you find it as beneficial as I did.

Prayer request

My good friend Jonathan is in Japan on a missions trip until February 25th. Please join me in remembering him in prayer when you are talking to the Father. You can check out his blog for details.

New Year's Find

Every few years I like to read the Bible through in a year because there are just some books (mostly minor prophets like Nahum) I never read otherwise. I thought it was about time to do that again, so I have been searching for my One Year Bible since New Year's. Yesterday when I was searching for it I found this little prayer book that I haven't seen since I lived in Tennessee.

Someone recently asked me about how I came to belief in Christ, I was reminded of this little book and how it fits into that story. So, when I came across it yesterday, I looked at it again instead of putting it aside.

I received it when I was a very small child. I remember looking at this little book while sitting in Mass with my parents, with my mom wearing her lace head covering, and me sitting on the kneeler and facing the pew as though it was a table or desk. There are crayon markings on some of the pages.

You can also tell how old the book is because the priest is still facing the altar with his back to the church during Mass.

The book contains elements of the Mass ....

...and prayers ....

....and "my little rules" :)

I remember being a child and reading this book over and over with a desire to be close to God. I remember being very aware of all of my sins and being fearful that no matter what I did that I would never be good enough on my own to be close to God and "earn" heaven. I remember feeling Pascal's "God shaped hole" and having no idea how to fill it other than being a good Catholic girl and reading my little prayer book.

When I was 20 years old God showed me that I was right, no matter what I did I would never be good enough on my own to be close to God and "earn" heaven. He also showed that God has made a way for us to have fellowship with Him through the forgiveness of our sins by the blood of Christ. After 22 years it continues to amaze me. I thank God for His mercy in showing me this truth.

And, yes, I found my One Year Bible shortly after I found the prayer book. Now, I just have to get caught up!

Happy Birthday to Me

Yesterday was my 22nd birthday :)

Not my "real" birthday, but rather the anniversary of the date that I became a Christian. I know that for some people there is no specific date or time that they point to as the moment of their conversion. But, for me, I can definitely pin it down to a specific day and a specific moment. That moment involved a long time friend and her changed life, Stryper (remember them?!), the third chapter of the gospel of John, and 20 years of trying my best to please God on my own and miserably failing.

Thank you, Father, for Your grace and mercy to me, old friends, Christian metal, Your Word, and my failures.

The Company You keep

Since I moved here to west podunk a few years ago I have found myself hanging around with unbelievers a good bit more, especially people I work with. I don't hide my faith, but I don't shove it down anyone's throat either. What I tend to share most are my own personal experiences with faith. At first it was obvious that some people censored what they talked about around me but gradually over time, some of that has changed. I have found it interesting to hear what nonbelievers say about Christians when they forget there is one in the room.

Last night it was "girls night out", which amounted to lots talking and take out eaten pool side at the home of one of the "girls". During "girl's night out" one of the women I do not work with started talking about how two of the women she works with have recently "found Jesus" and how annoying these ladies are. One of the other women said "Oh, there's nothing worse than being stuck working with someone who just found Jesus!"

One day last week I was eating lunch with some coworkers and one of them was talking about being 12 years old and getting harassed every afternoon on her paper route by kids "from the Baptist church". These kids would corner her on the street, tell her she was going to hell, and shove some gospel tracts at her. She said she felt like a "project".

At one point in time I would have said these sorts of stories were just examples of 1 Corinthians 2:14, "The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned." But, after I have had more opportunities to be privy to these kinds of conversations I think that instead of attributing these sorts of statements to an inability to discern spiritual truth and dismissing them, we need to be more open to how we are being perceived by unbelievers.

Merry Christmas

I just wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a healthy, happy New Year! I'll be back to blogging soon.

The Birth of Jesus
Luke 2:1-20

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.)
And everyone went to his own town to register. So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.

While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. The Shepherds and the Angels And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."
So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

Random Thought # 3

Regarding Random Thought #3 (RT3):

RT3- I don't feel at home among those who think it is righteous for church goers to condemn homosexuality while winking at materialism, vanity, and gossip. No wonder so many unbelievers say we are all hypocrites. I am thinking about this sort of thing alot lately.

I was raised in a religious home (including 12 years of Catholic school) but it wasn’t until I was 20 that I came to an understanding of the real meaning of Jesus’ death and resurrection and I began to follow Him. I remember that in the early days of my walk with God that I cried a lot because I was just blown away by the truth of the gospel and the grace and mercy of God. I also remember that I spent a lot of time alone. I was home from college for the summer and away from most of my friends and feeling overwhelmed by all that I was coming to understand so I just wanted to be alone, read the Bible, pray and think. I was stunned. Hopeful. Strangely at peace.

In the Fall I went back to college and my friends. None of my college friends understood because none of them were believers. In fact that summer was the first time any one ever explained the gospel to me and, other than the friend who witnessed to me, I didn’t really know any believers. I began to participate in a college ministry, met some believing friends, and began to read books like C.S Lewis’ “Mere Christianity”.

I developed a very black and white sense of how things should be and a sense that life as a Christian and relationships between believers would be much better than it was as an unbeliever. In short I had the idea that all believers would be holy and sinless and above all nice….perfect (after all we were all following the same perfect God, right?). I suppose that was due to my new believer euphoria, the sense of utopia I initially perceived in my beginning fellowship experiences, and also due to my age at the time. When people first learn new things we tend to want rules, standards, and guidelines for how things should be. It is hard to see the gray areas and become comfortable with what we don’t understand. I see this kind of thought all the time with my students now. They want me to tell them exactly what to do to get an “A” and I want them to learn to think for themselves. Part of this is because people don’t really fully develop the higher level analytic thought that allows us to cope with ambiguity and uncertainty on an intellectual level until our mid to late 20’s because certain parts of our brains are not fully myelinated (think “wired”) until then.

After the initial euphoria of my conversion I began to learn that it wasn’t all going to be perfect and that lots of believers didn’t seem to be any different than many unbelievers I knew. I began to “grow up” and understand that it wasn’t as simple as “christian”=good and ”non-christian”=bad. In fact in the intervening years often times I have experienced lots of “christian”=bad and non-christian=good. (The good news, though, is that I have also experienced that God=good. Not because He only brings good into my life but because who/what He is defines what “good” is.)

I used to think that when believers and nonbelievers disagreed on what the right thing to do was that it was because God’s way doesn’t always make sense to the world. Sometimes that is the reason. But sometimes I think it is because we believers are so busy trying to follow rules that we ignore justice and mercy. Last year I was injured and confined to bed/home for 3-4 weeks and who do you suppose came and sat with me, and brought me groceries, and drove me to the doctor? It was not a believer, it was some non believing friends who came to help me. Who was more Christ like?

We look like hypocrites and the world notices.