What's It Like?

I have this vague sense of doom. I feel worried that something is wrong but I don't know what it is. It scares me. I have felt like this all day. It is quite perplexing.

It was perplexing when it happened last month, and the month before that too. Why does this keep happening to me?

LOL

Okay, this has been happening to me most months for about 26 years now and yet every month I still wonder for at least part of the day why I feel so anxious before I realize what is going on. You would think that by now I would realize the moment I notice my symptoms what was happening....but no, I don't. I suppose that is another symptom...lack of basic reasonoing skills.

When I feel like this I often wonder what it must be like for men to not experience the wonders of PMS. Oh, the needless angst that could be avoided! The freedom from the monthly sense of doom! The maintainence of my ability to reason! Not to mention the other things that go with that.....

Misplaced Offense

Earlier today when I was at work I had an interesting conversation. When the new semester starts the student population goes through the roof. Besides clogging the cafeteria and creating terrible traffic, the return of most of the student population also drastically increases the wait time for elevators. So, today I stood and waited with two male students for the elevator. I didn't know these young men and I'm not sure what program they are in, but I know it's not mine. I'd guess it was a graduate program since I'd estimate their ages at over 22 or 23. After we waited a few minutes the elevator came and one of the guys held the door for me and asked me "Where to honey?" This amused me to no end because I found it unusual for a student to call me honey, but I just smiled at him and said "One please, thank you". But this wasn't the interesting conversation.

When I came back upstairs I went into one of my colleague's offices. I told her what happened and expected that she would share my amusement. Instead we had the following exchange:

She said "Who does he think he is? That is so offensive! I would have told him off!"

I said "What? He held the door for me and asked what floor I wanted. I thought it was polite. How is that offensive?"

She said "He called you honey! That is so demeaning!"

I said "I thought the "honey" part was kind of amusing since I'm probably old enough to be his mom. It's hardly demeaning."

She replied "Well he's lucky he said that to you and not me. He never would have dared call a male professor that."

To me, it's just a word. I feel quite certain it was not this guy's goal to demean me in any way. And, even if it was his intention to demean me it doesn't mean that I need to feel demeaned. If I had a dollar for every time a patient called me honey, or sweetie, or even "doll" I could retire now. They are all just words and I think most of the time they were said in a positive manner. Usually it was because the patient couldn't recall my name. I'll take honey, sweetheart, or doll over "hey you" or worse any day. Sometimes when a patient called me honey it seemed like they meant it in a demeaning manner, but to me it wasn't the word "honey", but the way it was said and the words said along with it that made it feel demeaning.

And for crying out loud, honey is better than Ma'am any day....that just makes me feel old!

Heh heh heh

Evil genius in a secret lair? Buwahaha!!

I'm In Love!

This is my soon to be adopted new niece (or her back at least...gotta protect her anonymity). I am head over heels in love with her already! I am so besotted that I bought this digital camera just to take pictures of her. She is 2 1/2 years old and sweet and curious and active. She is a climber and is giving my sister fits by climbing up on precarious pieces of furniture as soon as my sister turns her back. This amuses me to no end...is that wrong? :) Heh

An Apology Haiku

I am so sorry

for when I jumped down your throat.

It was wrong of me.

(I probably need to apologize for the Haiku now since I am no poet!)

Personal Responsibility and Sexual Purity

I recently wrote about my desire to learn from my experience. The subject of sexual purity seems to be a common one lately with Boundless republishing some previous pieces on the subject and Amir and Anakin responding from a male perspective. Because I am a woman, I write the following from a woman’s perspective. I don’t know what the experience of trying to maintain sexual purity is like for a man, but I do know what it is like for a woman. I’m sure that some of what I have to say about a woman’s perspective could also be said about a man’s.

To be naïve or not to be naïve…that is the question.

Is it easier to maintain sexual purity the less you know, or does it take knowledge and wisdom to obey God in the area of sexual purity? If we lived in a world where a Biblical model of sexuality was followed, less knowledge may be beneficial to maintaining sexual purity. But, because we definitely do not live in that world, even sometimes when we are interacting with believers, it is important to be wise and accept the responsibility of maintaining your own sexual purity. No matter how much a man tells you that he admires your sexual purity or commitment to sexual abstinence you cannot assume that he will respect or protect it, even if he is a Christian. That is your responsibility. It is your responsibility to prayerfully consider and set physical limits and stick to them. It is your responsibility to clearly and respectfully communicate those limits to him at the appropriate time. Even after you do these things your responsibility does not end. You need to continue to exercise wisdom and discernment in your interactions. You need to make sure that you are not saying one thing and doing another.

Some things to consider:

• Does he get angry when you try to set physical limits?
• Does he respect the limits you set?
• Does he exercise personal responsibility for his own sexual purity by being willing to be open and tell you if something you do or say is making it more difficult for him, or does he assume that you should know?
• Do you respect his limits?
• Does he pressure you to be alone with him before you are comfortable with it?
• Do you allow too much emotional intimacy too soon?
• Does he belittle your inexperience (or your resolution to abstain from further sexual activity), equating it with immaturity or frigidity?
• Does he say or do things that you don’t understand or feel comfortable with and won’t stop or does he get upset or evasive if you question him about it?
  
  What else do you think is important to consider?

Confession

I am a plant killer.


I don't mean to kill them....I just have a black thumb :(


I cringe when someone gives me a plant as a gift because I know that eventually I will kill it...it's what I do.