Earlier today when I was at work I had an interesting conversation. When the new semester starts the student population goes through the roof. Besides clogging the cafeteria and creating terrible traffic, the return of most of the student population also drastically increases the wait time for elevators. So, today I stood and waited with two male students for the elevator. I didn't know these young men and I'm not sure what program they are in, but I know it's not mine. I'd guess it was a graduate program since I'd estimate their ages at over 22 or 23. After we waited a few minutes the elevator came and one of the guys held the door for me and asked me "Where to honey?" This amused me to no end because I found it unusual for a student to call me honey, but I just smiled at him and said "One please, thank you". But this wasn't the interesting conversation.
When I came back upstairs I went into one of my colleague's offices. I told her what happened and expected that she would share my amusement. Instead we had the following exchange:
She said "Who does he think he is? That is so offensive! I would have told him off!"
I said "What? He held the door for me and asked what floor I wanted. I thought it was polite. How is that offensive?"
She said "He called you honey! That is so demeaning!"
I said "I thought the "honey" part was kind of amusing since I'm probably old enough to be his mom. It's hardly demeaning."
She replied "Well he's lucky he said that to you and not me. He never would have dared call a male professor that."
To me, it's just a word. I feel quite certain it was not this guy's goal to demean me in any way. And, even if it was his intention to demean me it doesn't mean that I need to feel demeaned. If I had a dollar for every time a patient called me honey, or sweetie, or even "doll" I could retire now. They are all just words and I think most of the time they were said in a positive manner. Usually it was because the patient couldn't recall my name. I'll take honey, sweetheart, or doll over "hey you" or worse any day. Sometimes when a patient called me honey it seemed like they meant it in a demeaning manner, but to me it wasn't the word "honey", but the way it was said and the words said along with it that made it feel demeaning.
And for crying out loud, honey is better than Ma'am any day....that just makes me feel old!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
13 comments:
omg, seriously, your coworker needs to get a clue. no, you wouldn't call a guy 'honey,' but i would call him 'dude' or some other equivalent. sheesh.
lol, good point S/C! I wish I'd have thought of that at the time :)
no, you wouldn't call a guy 'honey,'
Well, I've been called "honey" before on rare occasions, usually by waitresses. It takes me a bit by surprise, but I'm hardly offended. And maybe a little flattered.
And there are definitely much worse things to be called.
As with anything else, take it in the spirit it's given.
take it in the spirit it's given
Triton,
I agree totally. I think where some offense(though not all) is generated is when people are looking for ways to feel offended to justify their preconcieved notions about how others will behave. As in "see, there is just another example of how men demean women!"
yes, ma'am. i would havta agree with you ;)
Darlin' build a bridge and get over it! And while you're at it get over yourself too! (Why am I pretty sure she would take offense at "Darlin'" too?) ;->
Learner, I have taken note of your earlier comment about the book.
Vis. this post: Do you think some Evangelical churches teach women to be -- or consider it morally and socially neutral to be -- catty towards men?
LOL Jonathan, you're right, she probably wouldn't like darlin' either :)
Do you think some Evangelical churches teach women to be -- or consider it morally and socially neutral to be -- catty towards men?
SXM,
Hmm...that is an interesting question and I am not sure of the answer. I don't know that they actively teach women to be catty to men, at least I have not witnessed that overtly in the churches I have participated in. I do think that cattiness is not often preached against. I do think that some cattiness is excused or winked at as "sassiness" or "spunkiness" in women. Some somen think not being a doormat means being catty and bitchy.
I think that sin that may be considered more "masculine" such as porn get more attention via sermons than things like gossip and cattiness. I have heard more sermons about men treating their wives well than woves treating their husbands well. I think that these inequities and other so called "feminized" aspects of the church may lead some women to assume that the feminine perspective is the more spiritual or Christian perspective. So women who believe that they are more spiritual than men may develop a kind of superiority complex that leads to cattiness.
What do you think?
I will (politely) ignore your (polite) request about the subject that (I) brought up. (I am politely cooking something about this right now)..
But I will offer something else for your contemplation:
"Sitting around emoting about your feelings does not equal christian fellowship." - What I call the "tea party" phenomenon at church. Any reflections on this?
SXM,
Okay, I have your blog on my Google reader so I will politely wait for the blog post you are cooking up ;)
"Sitting around emoting about your feelings does not equal christian fellowship." - What I call the "tea party" phenomenon at church. Any reflections on this?
I think I understand what you mean and if I do then I agree. I dislike when Bible studies devolve into "support groups". Not that support groups are bad....they can be great, but too often the study gets sidetracked too much by focusing on individual's problems and feelings instead of the subject at hand- the Word of God.
That being said I have had some wonderful Christian fellowship over finger sandwiches, scones and tea :) I love a good tea party! lol
in New York City, the alleged feminist capital of the US, everyone calls everyone sweetie. OK, not everyone, but you get the idea. I never got called sweetie so much in my life as when I leved there.
Hi Savvy
I think I got called things like honey and darlin' the most when I lived in Tennessee, though not by a large margin.
I think the reason that sort of thing has never really bothered me is because my dad, an old Italian guy, has called me things like "baby doll" my whole life. Maybe all the old Italian guys in NYC have desensitized all the feminist women so they don't mind either :) LOL...ok, it's just a theory.
Post a Comment