Recently I had dinner with some friends I worked with more than five years ago. As often occurs when visiting with old friends, we spent some time reminiscing. In the course of the evening one of my co-workers reminded me of something that happened back then that I had forgotten about.
First, let me give you a little context. You see, sometimes I am kind of clumsy. If there is something to trip over, slip on, or fall from, I find it. In fact, a few weeks ago when I was in a rush to get to class I was quickly pulling my office door closed behind me when I dropped my USB drive. Naturally, I bent over to pick it up, and while I was bending, the door swung forward and met my bottom with enough force to knock me off balance (not hard to do). I managed to catch myself before I fell, and entertain my coworkers walking down the hall at the same time. I'm good like that.
Anyway, back when I worked with these old friends I had another "near miss". One day I was walking through the clinic I worked in with my head down reading a chart. One of my male co-workers came running around a corner and I didn't see him coming, so I collided with him and kind of bounced off of his chest. The chart went flying and somehow our legs got tangled up and I tripped over his feet and began to fall. So, he reached out and caught me in an odd position that kind of resembled a sort of sideways "dip" from a ballroom dance and then set me back on my feet. As he caught me, one of his hands happened to land partially on one of my breasts. As soon as I was upright again he apologized for grabbing me so hard there and said that he just was trying to keep me from falling. I told him I really appreciated him preventing my fall and that it was okay because I knew he didn't grab me there on purpose. He then wiggled his eyebrows at me and said humorously "are you sure it wasn't on purpose?". I said, "you've been planning that for weeks, haven't you?" and he, I, and our co-workers who gathered to watch "the spectacle", all laughed.
The next day I went into work and one of my female co-workers, who did not like the male co-worker who caught me, asked me if I was alright after my near fall. I told her I was fine, just little embarrassed, and I had a fantastic bruise on my breast/side where he caught me. She said "I saw him grab you, I think he did that on purpose. He shouldn't be running in here." I said "I was glad he caught me. It was my fault, I wasn't looking where I was going. You know him, he wouldn't do that on purpose. Plus, it happened so fast there is no way he could have purposefully caught me in such a way to grab me there anyway." She said "you should take pictures of the bruise for evidence." I asked "evidence of what?" and she replied "sexual harassment". I just walked away from her.
Recalling this caused me to wonder how often accusations of sexual harassment are made for the wrong reasons. I do not mean to say that it is acceptable for either men or women to truly harass others in a sexually inappropriate manner in the workplace. I think real sexual harassment can happen, but that false accusations serve to minimize the genuine incidences.
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A woman with a sense of fairness, decency and proportion! (unlike 99.9999% of your American sisters). How refreshing! (I am not being sarcastic. The number of honorable women I have known is, alas, all too few)
Sexual harassment law, despite any good intentions (and I am convinced there were ill intentions included from the start) is mostly a weapon for arbitrary and malicious use to keep men cowed and off-balance, which doubles nicely as an instrument of revenge.
So women wonder why things like this happen: A woman approaches a table full of men at the workplace cafeteria. The men are talking up a storm. Then the men spot the woman, who sits down with them, and they all shut up in unison, saying nary a word while she's there. Then she complains the men won't talk to her! CLUE TIME! They won't talk to you because they're afraid that Big Daddy Government will help you take away their livelihoods.
The biggest problem with sexual harassment law is that there sexual harassment is defined subjectively. One man could ask a co-worker to bed and she accepts: no sexual harassment. Another man could tell the same women she looks nice that day, and she is offended. NOW there's "sexual harassment". Sexual harassment is in the eye of the beholder, and if the beholder has revenge or dollar signs in her eyes, then "sexual harassment" becomes a lot easier to "find".
If you're really serious about your viewpoint, every time one of your wayward "sisters" mentions filing a frivolous sexual harassment complaint, you'll jump on her with both feet.
False accusations are also inherently evil, learner.
Ballroom dips: Even with a taller follow, this can be done safely without leaving any bruises on anyone! (or near anything important). Personally I extend the left knee forward while dipping her from my right to my left, the knee being a kind of 'safety' in case things go awry. As long as she is relaxed she'll come back up in one piece.
False accusations are also inherently evil, learner.
DesertSon,
Absolutely, I agree. Thank you for saying that because it is important.
Maybe if I take up ballroom dancing I can have more graceful and less bruise inflicting falls :)
MS,
Thank you. I have not been personally aware of many complaints of sexual harassment anywhere I have worked among my immediate co-workers. The only one I can think of now was actually filed by a man against a woman over a picture she had on her locker of an scantily clad muscle-y man.
My sister filed a sexual harassment complaint many years ago against a doctor she worked with. He didn't just say things though, he would corner her and touch her inapropriately. She asked him to stop several times and when he continued she filed the complaint.
The arbitrary definition is definately a problem.
Now, I'll agree - copping cheap feels, especially when you have your quarry cornered, is sexual harassment. This precisely happened to my own sister, and that sort of behavior can be clearly identified as sexual harassment.
BTW, men are filing sexual harassment lawsuits against women over trivial stuff like photos of scantily-clad muscular metrosexual males because they're forcing women (in the aggregate) to taste their own medicine. Subjective, selectively applied laws cannot but foster such cynicism and hostility.
MS,
Looking back I think the man I mentioned probably had that in mind.
That female co-worker of yours made a better statement about the injustice inherent in our current sexual harrassment law better than I could ever do.
One of the side effects of such trigger-happy litigiousness is that men become simply afraid to act humanely toward women. Or intervene when bad things happen.
Here's another thought...what made said co-worker of yours have such an inflated opinion of herself that she would place such a high value on someone touching one of her boobs? I mean, the market's flooded with them (women who'll let strange men touch their boobs).
EW,
One of the side effects of such trigger-happy litigiousness is that men become simply afraid to act humanely toward women. Or intervene when bad things happen.
While I can understand this and where it comes from, I will also confess that as a single woman who lacks the protection of a male figure in my every day life (my father and brother live in another state more than an hour away), that the thought of this makes me feel uneasy at times.
what made said co-worker of yours have such an inflated opinion of herself that she would place such a high value on someone touching one of her boobs? I mean, the market's flooded with them (women who'll let strange men touch their boobs).
I think it may have had more to do with her suspicion of men as somewhat predatory rather than her perception of the value of touching her (or my) boobs. Also, this particular male co-worker was very much a "man's man" sort of guy and he got on her nerves. I kind of liked that about him. I knew I could count on him to look out for me if I needed help (once when a client was very agressive with me he came to my defense).
Learner,
This was a good post; thanks for sharing it. What can I say, other than the fact that too many women think like your female colleague, so men are wanting to have less to do with women...
MarkyMark
MarkyMark,
Thanks. I hope you are enjoying your vacation.
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