Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A Skype wedding?

Does it sound crazy to you to marry someone you met on match.com?

What if you also met them in September of 2009 and married in December of 2009?

Okay, and what if you have both also been married and divorced twice before?

What if you fell in love over the video conferencing system Skype?

How about getting engaged without ever being in the same room together?

What if he is in Afghanistan and she is in the US? Not crazy enough?

What if this quadruple time divorced, wartime, Skype, three month long romance, couple who got engaged having never been in the same room with each other got married without ever being in the same room together?

What if that wedding occurred over Skype?

That is just a part of this curious story about the couple who have never even been in the same room together getting married via Skype.

But it's okay because they are both committed Christians, right?

I wish them well but this looks like a disaster in the making to me.

What do you think?

20 comments:

Hestia said...

Words fail me right now.

Jesse said...

"this looks like a disaster in the making"

Couldn't agree more. Any one of those warning signs should be a dealbreaker methinks, or at least cause for a lengthy relationship beforehand. I'm actually having a hard time believing that these two are so naive. I suspect another motive or few somewhere in there--both parties figure they stand to gain something more than just a spouse.

But given the state of culture these days, I can't say I'm the least bit surprised.

Professor Hale said...

Well since they have both been married multiple times before, they both understand that marriage is not all that serious.

In much of the world, the tradition of arranged marriage is still practiced yet those marriages endure. The proxy marriage (mail order bride) has also been practiced in this country before.

At some point, they will have to be in the same room, or it will be difficult to acknowledge that they are indeed married. Lack of consummation is considered to be cause for annulment.

Sounds to me like a marriage for financial convenience.

Professor Hale said...

Now that they are "married", she can immediately begin drawing benefits (free health care, commissary priveledges, military spouse hiring preference for some government jobs) and he gets a substantial increase in pay, which he likely also gives to her.

Depending on availability at his home station, she may also qualify for immediate family housing.

With all this, there is no reason to wait for him to return.

Learner said...

Hestia,

Indeed

Jesse,

I suspect another motive or few somewhere in there--both parties figure they stand to gain something more than just a spouse.

You are probably right and I bet it is the $$ and benefits Prof Hale mentioned.

Prof Hale,

Sounds to me like a marriage for financial convenience.

I didn't realize the military pays more to families than singles, now the rush to marry seems more clear to me.

Professor Hale said...

The additional money is hidden in Housing allowance. This allowance is set by region, but is also higher for "with dependents" than "without". The is a third, seldom used, rate of "partial". When a service member marries another service member, each woul normally be entitled to the housing allowance in their own right. But the government thinks that is too much money for them to handle. So one of them is forced to take a substantially lower rate.

Additionally, Single soldiers are normally required to live int eh barracks. To escape barracks life, all a soldier has to do is get married. He is them automatically entitled to private quarters (on post if available) or down town, with the housing allowance increase to his pay. Living in the barracks = no housing allowance.

Soldiers deployed to Iraq may even be assigned to Kuwait TCS, so they will get no housing allowance during their deployments, married soldiers continue to get thiers.

In my last deployment, I knew a soldier who had to sell his house in a down economy because he was no longer getting the allowance he needed to pay the mortgage. So he would also return from deployment with no place to live.

Hestia said...

To add to what Professor Hale said, deployed service members with dependents also receive family separation allowance. This is not a huge amount of money (only $250), but the principle is the same as it is with housing allowance.

Due to these financial benefits, many irresponsible and foolish decisions are made about marriage and it's not uncommon for service members to rush marriage right before a deployment to make extra money. "Let's get married for BAH and Tricare!" I firmly believe these ill-considered marriages cause a number of issues that wouldn't exist otherwise, including a fair number of divorces and service members having evil dependents at home who destroy their credit thanks to POAs. These issues are sometimes just the tip of the iceberg. I could write a novel about some of the things I have known to happen.

Kathy Farrelly said...

Both have been married twice before? (Alarm bells going off!!)

All I can say is, "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread."

Learner said...

It does read rather foolish Kathy! People make some odd choices.

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Anonymous said...

My friend and I were recently discussing about the ubiquitousness of technology in our daily lives. Reading this post makes me think back to that discussion we had, and just how inseparable from electronics we have all become.


I don't mean this in a bad way, of course! Ethical concerns aside... I just hope that as the price of memory drops, the possibility of downloading our brains onto a digital medium becomes a true reality. It's a fantasy that I daydream about every once in a while.


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Moonstruck said...

OMG... Someone take them to a psychiatrist pls .. or rather take them to a film director ... some1 like Norah Ephron maybe!!!

Thsi could be an awesome movie plot... Which reminds me there is a Bengali movie called the "Japanese Wife" which follows the same theme !!!

Flowers Tea said...

This sounds a bit crazy but are they really serious?