I recently wrote about my desire to learn from my experience. The subject of sexual purity seems to be a common one lately with Boundless republishing some previous pieces on the subject and Amir and Anakin responding from a male perspective. Because I am a woman, I write the following from a woman’s perspective. I don’t know what the experience of trying to maintain sexual purity is like for a man, but I do know what it is like for a woman. I’m sure that some of what I have to say about a woman’s perspective could also be said about a man’s.
To be naïve or not to be naïve…that is the question.
Is it easier to maintain sexual purity the less you know, or does it take knowledge and wisdom to obey God in the area of sexual purity? If we lived in a world where a Biblical model of sexuality was followed, less knowledge may be beneficial to maintaining sexual purity. But, because we definitely do not live in that world, even sometimes when we are interacting with believers, it is important to be wise and accept the responsibility of maintaining your own sexual purity. No matter how much a man tells you that he admires your sexual purity or commitment to sexual abstinence you cannot assume that he will respect or protect it, even if he is a Christian. That is your responsibility. It is your responsibility to prayerfully consider and set physical limits and stick to them. It is your responsibility to clearly and respectfully communicate those limits to him at the appropriate time. Even after you do these things your responsibility does not end. You need to continue to exercise wisdom and discernment in your interactions. You need to make sure that you are not saying one thing and doing another.
Some things to consider:
- Does he get angry when you try to set physical limits?
- Does he respect the limits you set?
- Does he exercise personal responsibility for his own sexual purity by being willing to be open and tell you if something you do or say is making it more difficult for him, or does he assume that you should know?
- Do you respect his limits?
- Does he pressure you to be alone with him before you are comfortable with it?
- Do you allow too much emotional intimacy too soon?
- Does he belittle your inexperience (or your resolution to abstain from further sexual activity), equating it with immaturity or frigidity?
- Does he say or do things that you don’t understand or feel comfortable with and won’t stop or does he get upset or evasive if you question him about it?
What else do you think is important to consider?
5 comments:
I tend to think that the bottom line is that we are all always responsible for our own purity - whether that be sexual or otherwise. No one else will stand before the Father for the decisions that I make. We will certainly answer for becoming a stumbling block to someone else, but in the end there is no excuse when we sin.
Of course, I am not suggesting that the weight of our purity rests solely upon our shoulders. We really can't be trusted to live in holiness by the effort of the will or the flesh. But when we humbly go to the Lord and ask for His help when faced with temptation, we find that His grace abundantly overflows to us, giving us the power to walk in holiness.
The hard part is recognizing the temptation (not too hard in sexual matters) and fleeing to Him for deliverance from it instead of entertaining it until sin is conceived.
Hi Jonathan,
That is a very good point that the Lord is there to give us the grace to live responsibly.
I agree totally with what you wrote. Often in my dating stories, there are places where I try to set a limit and the man becomes angry--especially with Astro. I never made out with Astro and his attempt at french kissing my was laughable. But it was private schadenfreude at that time. My response to Amir about a similar topic goes up tomorrow.
Hi Savvy,
Thanks for the comment. I am interested ro see what else you have to say on the subject.
The Scott,
If you want to argue that sex outside of marriage is what God calls believers to, you are going to have to do a lot better than that. There are murders, rapes, idol worship and other ungodly actions in the Bible too. The presence of premarital sex in the Bible does not mean it is something that God condones.
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