Meme...just for fun

I could use some light, fluffy meaningless thought...how about you? If you want to play along leave a link to your entry in the comments. Answer each question, plug your answer into google image search, and select an image from the first page of your search results.

Here's my results

1. Your first name



2. Your middle name

3. Your last name



4. Your age (Congratulations, if you can read this you are not color blind)

5. Favorite place

6. Favorite food

7. Your nickname

8. Favorite color

9. Where you live

10. Your bad habit

Carolyn McCulley Rocks!

I wanted to post a link to this post from Carolyn McCulley in her Radical Womanhood blog the other day but it got lost in the shuffle. She shares some great words of wisdom about forgiving others when they wound us. Check it out.

The "V Word"

I have previously mentioned, in a round about way, that a man I briefly dated earlier this year hurt me. It is difficult to talk about, so I have taken to referring to it with euphemisms when I talk to my friends about it. We call what happened "the incident". Even saying he hurt me is a sort of euphemism as well, because it makes it sound like he just hurt my feelings. While "the incident" did hurt my feelings, he also physically injured me. Some of the results of "the incident", like the bruises, have faded, but I was continuing to have some problems resulting from the physical injury.

I was hoping that the symptoms I was experiencing would just go away, but they became worse over time. So, I decided I should go to the doctor. I have been avoiding going to see my doc for the last few months about this because I really just did not want to tell her what happened. I feel so humiliated when I talk about it. While I am certain my doc was doing her best to be compassionate and supportive, saying things like, "Oh honey, did he hurt you?" and the look on her face didn't really help. It just made me feel powerless and small and vulnerable. Like a victim. I absolutely HATE that word. Shortly after "the incident" I was talking to a friend about how I was feeling and she said "it's not unusual for victims of assault to feel that way". I felt like she slapped me. It is an awful word. I think I need a euphemism for it too...the v word.

I have been thinking about this. Why do I feel so humiliated to talk about what happened? I actually put off seeking medical care because I didn't want to tell someone else about it. What is up with that? I just keep coming back to what always comes up in my mind when I think about it. "Why did I let him do that to me?" Or "How could I let him do that to me?". Maybe I am projecting my thoughts on others by assuming they are thinking the same thing..."how could you let him do that to you?" It's weird though, because it is not as if I "let" him do anything...he was significantly taller and much stronger than me. Nothing I said or did stopped him...but I did try...I didn't just "let him" do it. But some how I still think "how could I let him?". Maybe it is easier to think I just didn't do enough to stop him rather than think that I couldn't stop him...that I really am a victim. I don't know.

By the way, my doc ordered some tests, some medication, and sent me to physical therapy. It seems to be helping...I wish I went sooner.

The Company You keep

Since I moved here to west podunk a few years ago I have found myself hanging around with unbelievers a good bit more, especially people I work with. I don't hide my faith, but I don't shove it down anyone's throat either. What I tend to share most are my own personal experiences with faith. At first it was obvious that some people censored what they talked about around me but gradually over time, some of that has changed. I have found it interesting to hear what nonbelievers say about Christians when they forget there is one in the room.

Last night it was "girls night out", which amounted to lots talking and take out eaten pool side at the home of one of the "girls". During "girl's night out" one of the women I do not work with started talking about how two of the women she works with have recently "found Jesus" and how annoying these ladies are. One of the other women said "Oh, there's nothing worse than being stuck working with someone who just found Jesus!"

One day last week I was eating lunch with some coworkers and one of them was talking about being 12 years old and getting harassed every afternoon on her paper route by kids "from the Baptist church". These kids would corner her on the street, tell her she was going to hell, and shove some gospel tracts at her. She said she felt like a "project".

At one point in time I would have said these sorts of stories were just examples of 1 Corinthians 2:14, "The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned." But, after I have had more opportunities to be privy to these kinds of conversations I think that instead of attributing these sorts of statements to an inability to discern spiritual truth and dismissing them, we need to be more open to how we are being perceived by unbelievers.

Hello

I haven't written much here lately. I think that some things I have experienced in the last few months and my feelings about what happened have colored my perceptions to the point that I have thought it was better for me to keep my thoughts mostly to myself for a while.

I don't want to go into too much detail here but I had a brief relationship with a man that was not good. Before things got bad we talked a good bit about issues between men and women in society and in the church. So, when I have read stuff online over the past few months about issues between men and women that are the same or similar to things that he and I discussed, I find myself reacting emotionally (hurt, anger) about it because I am associating things with him. The emotion isn't about the issue, but rather about what happened between this man and I. So, I haven't felt that what I would have to say in this blog or in the comments in others' blogs would be productive. The emotional reaction seems to be getting better but I now find myself working through my thoughts and beliefs about these sorts of issues from a somewhat different perspective.

On the positive side, the experience has served to draw my attention to an issue that has been affecting my walk with God for a long time. It has been in the back of my mind though I have been unable to put it into words and recognize it for what it is until just recently. I am not prepared to write about the issue here at the moment because it is just too personal and raw for me. But, I am happy to say that I definitely sense God pursuing me and urging me to deal with this issue and so that feels very hopeful to me.

Just an observation...

I have an awful cold for the fourth time in about six months. When I woke up this morning I thought that I had at least picked a good Saturday to be sick at home since there would be lots of college hoops to watch. Unfortunately I have discovered that cold medicine and the excitement of the NCAA tournament (especially since my two favorite teams are still in it) do not mix well. Yikes, the palpitations!

Where Next?

Found a link to this site over at The View From Her. You can make a map of all the places in the world you have visited:



create your own visited country map

Along with other cool maps.

My conclusion? I need to travel more :)