Still Here

I haven't written anything of any real substance here for awhile because I have been in a very introspective frame of mind. I have been processing things through the lenses (and they are not rose colored) of some of my own recent experiences so I think anything I would have written would have been too influenced by that. I haven’t posted here or even commented in other’s blog’s much at all because of that. In some cases I have stopped reading some blogs because the subject matter of issues between men and women are related to some of the issues I have recently been dealing with.

I have been learning (or re-learning…sigh) some lessons that have been good, though difficult for me to learn.

Lesson 1: Don’t let your “tanks” get too empty.

The stress and time commitment of working on my dissertation while continuing to work full time left me with empty or nearly empty physical, emotional, and spiritual tanks. I have been so focused on the task before me (thinking that it is only for a limited time and I can just push through it) that I have not been taking care of myself. I have not been getting enough sleep, or exercise, or eating well. I have not been spending enough time with friends or family or engaging in activities that are renewing for me. I have not been spending enough time focusing on my spiritual health. I adopted a sort of “siege mentality” toward finishing my doctorate that has made it tough for me to surrender to God. Bad idea. This is a bad idea because among other things, it left me vulnerable to getting sick more often and vulnerable to being taken advantage of. I have learned the hard way that I am going to have to slow down and ease up in order to take better care of myself and focus on the important things, not just the “urgent” things.

Lesson 2: Some people should not be given another chance.

I always try to see the best in people and tend to give them more chances than is probably wise. I think this stems from my optimistic nature and from the fact that I am very aware of God’s grace and mercy toward me and feel that I should extend that grace and mercy toward others. I don’t think it is a bad thing to be optimistic or to extend grace to others but when not tempered by wisdom and combined with the afore mentioned “empty tanks” those qualities can allow people to take advantage of me. I think things like “If he really understood that he was hurting me, surely he wouldn’t do that”. But, the truth is that there are some people in the world who will choose to do things even though they know they are hurting someone else. In fact, some people will purposefully choose to hurt other people. Even people who identify themselves as Christians.

I am sure that more lessons will be forthcoming and I think that is good. It is time I take my life out of it’s dissertation holding pattern and really be present in it for today. The dissertation will still get done. (Right?)